[You meant something to each of us. You mean something to...
He doesn't need to finish the sentence, not really, for her to immediately derive the two most important things from it. One is that she already knows the last word that belongs there, right at the end.
The second is that the tense changed from past to present — from something that once was to something that still continues.]
...It matters that I'm dead. I-I know that's not what you meant, but...but it matters, a lot, that I'm dead. Because...
[She hesitates, her gaze drifting to the side and down before slowly sliding back to Rohan's face.]
M-Maybe that's my "Heaven's Door". I think...maybe that's the thing I need people to understand, like you need for him. Dead is a part of who I am, now. I-I have this friend, who's dead like me, and...he feels that way, too. That it's hard, because...
...B-Because it feels like your chance is gone. Like you got left behind. Like anybody who cares about you, like you're cheating them out of being able to care about somebody with a future. Like you're different, it makes me different.
There was a place for me in the past. I don't know how to make it start feeling like there's a place for me anywhere else. I don't mean I'm not trying to! I just...I don't know how to make it...
[She reaches up, clearly intending to rub her eyes, but then seems to hesitate; her hand stays suspended in the air a moment, wavering as if hung by an invisible string, and then comes to rest over one of his on her shoulder instead.]
Hey...c-can we make it a promise, then? If I keep trying to live...then will you promise to never let me forget that I deserve to?
[The impulse is there, of course, to start withdrawing again. There's only so long that Rohan can sit with these feelings — or more accurately, the expression of them — before his skin starts to crawl uncomfortably and he begins to want the protection afforded to him through his prickly demeanor. And everything right now feels particularly raw and vulnerable, but he tamps down on that impulse because Reimi's probably not that much better off than he is right now. While he's generally okay with minor injuries to her and able to look away, he thinks right now even a minor comment would be enough to cut deeper than he intends.]
[So, it takes a moment. In that moment, he wrestles with every impulse he has, but he manages to get control of it before he starts to feel a little nauseous. And then he nods.]
[She nods a little, slowly, and tries to spare him some dilemma by being the first to draw away instead. It's hard; deep down it's the exact opposite of what she really wants, which is to throw herself at him and hold on tight again. But it's been about her for long enough already, and the whole point of who they are is that there's an ever-shifting equilibrium, back and forth between the two of them. He's been strong for her; now she needs to do the same in return.
So she draws back, but whimsically keeps hold of his hand as it comes away from his shoulder, curling just the tips of their fingers together in a last slight attempt to keep from breaking away entirely.
After one last slow swallow, she finds her voice again, mercifully steady despite the potential for it to shake.]
Okay. Me too.
[She nods again, this time following through on her attempt to reach up and wipe her face dry.]
C-C'mon. It's getting pretty late, and I haven't even gotten to show you my surprise yet...
[And once they make it there, she will: the warehouse-turned-nightclub that she's taken for her own, and the work that she's done over time toward restoring it to a fun and happening place to be.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
He doesn't need to finish the sentence, not really, for her to immediately derive the two most important things from it. One is that she already knows the last word that belongs there, right at the end.
The second is that the tense changed from past to present — from something that once was to something that still continues.]
...It matters that I'm dead. I-I know that's not what you meant, but...but it matters, a lot, that I'm dead. Because...
[She hesitates, her gaze drifting to the side and down before slowly sliding back to Rohan's face.]
M-Maybe that's my "Heaven's Door". I think...maybe that's the thing I need people to understand, like you need for him. Dead is a part of who I am, now. I-I have this friend, who's dead like me, and...he feels that way, too. That it's hard, because...
...B-Because it feels like your chance is gone. Like you got left behind. Like anybody who cares about you, like you're cheating them out of being able to care about somebody with a future. Like you're different, it makes me different.
There was a place for me in the past. I don't know how to make it start feeling like there's a place for me anywhere else. I don't mean I'm not trying to! I just...I don't know how to make it...
[She reaches up, clearly intending to rub her eyes, but then seems to hesitate; her hand stays suspended in the air a moment, wavering as if hung by an invisible string, and then comes to rest over one of his on her shoulder instead.]
Hey...c-can we make it a promise, then? If I keep trying to live...then will you promise to never let me forget that I deserve to?
no subject
[So, it takes a moment. In that moment, he wrestles with every impulse he has, but he manages to get control of it before he starts to feel a little nauseous. And then he nods.]
I promise.
[He can't risk say anything further than that.]
no subject
So she draws back, but whimsically keeps hold of his hand as it comes away from his shoulder, curling just the tips of their fingers together in a last slight attempt to keep from breaking away entirely.
After one last slow swallow, she finds her voice again, mercifully steady despite the potential for it to shake.]
Okay. Me too.
[She nods again, this time following through on her attempt to reach up and wipe her face dry.]
C-C'mon. It's getting pretty late, and I haven't even gotten to show you my surprise yet...
[And once they make it there, she will: the warehouse-turned-nightclub that she's taken for her own, and the work that she's done over time toward restoring it to a fun and happening place to be.]